Becoming the witch

About half a decade ago, my mum gifted me a exaggeratedly fluffy winter jacket. While being meant as a gesture of kindness, this jacket was completely useless where I was living back then, a place where winter temperatures wouldn't drop below 10 degrees Celsius. I would walk the dog with nothing but a singlet underneath, and still would break out in sweat within minutes. Because here is the thing: My mum never gets presents with the person in mind. According to herself, she gets presents she would like for herself, so that if the gifted person doesn't like the present, she can keep it. Not without being offended, of course. Presents can act as a means of control. When she gifts something she really likes (for herself), she requests constant updates on it. Every few weeks, I received an email with the following questions: "Do you still have the jacket? Are you using it? You are not giving it away, are you?" The burden of this fully hit me when it was time for me to lea...

 The idea of imagining my eating disorder as a creature from a fantasy world came to me after contemplating the common ways many people seem to personify their illness. People with anorexia often call it Ana, often not unlike a girlfriend that accompanies you through the day, consolidates you and helps you out in difficult times. It is not difficult to imagine why this is problematic. Most of us are aware that our eating disorder is not a friend at all, however, Ana is above all very good at making you hers and hers alone, isolating you from your friends and making you complicit in secrecy, not unlike an abusive partner. Ana makes you empty on the inside, both physically and mentally, and any friendship, no matter how toxic, is better than having to confront the void. My boyfriend was the first to call her a demon.  He described how sometimes my voice, the way I talk and even my body language would change as if I was possessed. The once bubbly person who loved dancing, lo...