Poetry

Spiralling

A spider spins a net

Just that this spider

In the corner there

Spins downward spirals

And as I stare

In awe of the spiral

Fingers twitching

Like insect legs

I reach out to touch

And follow the silken thread

Down into the dark centre

Where the spider waits

I know I could turn around

But inside the spiral

Upwards and downwards

All look the same 

Subtle Voices

The voice inside my head that claims

I do not need to eat

Has a subtle tone - so quiet

it's barely noticeable some days

Like the chair in my garden

that mysteriously overnight

became misadjusted

as if someone else had sat in it

while I was asleep

Like the black spots

I see from the corners of my eyes

spiders crawling up my arms

but when I look

nothing

Like the eyes in the trees

in the forest thicket

following me down the trails

that, upon a closer look,

are just branch hole

Like most subtle, unnoticeable things

I tell myself it is nothing

but I cannot stop thinking about it

I cannot get its song out of my head

Tachycardia

Insomniac, awake at night

for the racing sound of my own heart

Flying, wailing, bolting

as if possessed

trying to outrun the creature

that wants to cup his hands

to hold my jumpy heart

Insomniac, close my eyes,

fall into uneasy dreams

of galloping hooves

the echoes of a flutter

bouncing between the trees

A dark figure riding, following me

uttering a murmur, a spell

exactly two beats long

Insomniac, tossing in the sheets,

the possessor carries me

On his untamed steed

going two steps at a time, too fast,

sometimes skipping beats,

to the unknown places

where only his strange rhythm plays

"please don't stop. don't stop"

I whisper, in the morning

still listening to the faint

leaping sound in my chest

The Void

I befriended a black hole

An abyss that I fill with my insecurities

Every morning in front of the mirror 

Counting unshapely rolls

That are just empty skin

Checking my thigh circumference

- Do my hands still fit around them? -

My lips a tight line like measuring tape

Tightly wrapped, unable to feed myself

As the mirror glass turns into a gaping mouth 

That tries to swallow me whole

"An apple" I say

"60 calories, 30 minutes walking",

returns the echo.

And when I eat the fruit

The abyss regards me with quiet disdain

A darkness I only know to fill

with more measurements

more counting 

more walking

until I cannot tell the difference anymore

between me and the Void 

Your name

If I had to call you by your name

I could not

Because your names are as endless

As the sand by the side of sea

Uncountable like the stars

I want to become one of these grains of sand

I want to burn bright

And be as uncountable as the stars

I will turn into one of your names

And then float into your embrace

To sleep guarded there for the rest of eternity