Becoming the witch

 I am scared of wraps. How silly. I know.  What particularly worries me about wraps is how they don't really satisfy me. I would need to eat 2 or 3 wraps to feel properly full, yet my ED brain tells me that I am only allowed one at a time.  So, this week I am going to eat a wrap every day because this is the key of turning them from fear food to safe food. Recovery is about repetition to rewire the brain. Right now my brain thinks wraps = danger, because I get anxious every time I eat them. It is time to show my brain that nothing happens when I eat wraps. (And no, they are not low kcal wraps) Day 1 - Rutabaga Wrap   Day 2 - Soy chunks with yogurt sauce and black garlic Looks kinda horrible but soy chunks are bomb. They are dry soy granulates that when soaked in broth become a fairly good beef substitute. Day 3 - Broad bean quark wrap (super spicy) Day 4: Tuna yogurt wrap  (forgot the inside pic) Day 5 - Broccoli Rice Yogurt Wrap I am not feeling very strong tod...

Published in 2012, Carrie Arnold gives insights into the scientific advances in knowledge on both anorexia causes and treatments in a refreshing way that doesn't feel like a book that is already almost 10 years old. Arnold blends scientific studies and interviews with professionals and researchers that allows for a fluid writing style between factual information and conversations with experts. Additionally, the author shares personal anecdotes and interviews other eating disorder sufferers which makes the research information more relatable without diminishing one's ability to distinguish between fact and narration. Overall, the book is incredibly readable and digestible considering the immense amount of information contained in it. Arnold starts with a history of anorexia followed by psychological research on anorexia, focusing on personality traits and connections to OCD, among other topics. Then, she moves to the biological factors which seem to be largely underestimated. Sh...

I think we all know the struggle with the atypical anorexia nervosa diagnosis. You only got typical anorexia with a BMI under 18.5, anything above and you count as 'atypical'. Pretty strange since many people with anorexia do in fact have a BMI above 18.5 (so how are they atypical if there are so many?), but for me and many others it is just this constant struggle to fit the diagnostic criteria to be taken seriously or you are "not sick enough".  Yet, I have barely ever been able to meet this criteria. My body just won't reach such a low weight easily, let alone the seriously underweight category of below 17.5, but I feel compelled to constantly chase the 'typical' diagnosis to prove something to myself and others. Which is messed up in itself.  The other day, while I was reading Decoding Anorexia by Carrie Arnold, one sentence startled me:   "Although not everyone with anorexia has the body distortions and fears of becoming fat — known as 'nonf...